My feelings for today.

I try so hard to please the Lord, but recently He convicted me and showed me that I have not been sensitive to His timing. He showed me a pattern of impatience and distrust when it comes to me and my husband making major decisions, a  tendency to rush ahead into plans without waiting on God’s confirmation. My husband has been the one that has led most of these impatient decisions, but I have been going along with this which makes me just as guilty. God showed me this pattern from the very beginning of our relationship, beginning with our engagement. I saw several major decisions in the last 6 years of my life with bad fruit coming out of the hastiness. He really gave me a deep revelation and he showed me the underlying distrust at the root of it. We have now been married for over 6 years. We do seek the Lord prior to making major life decisions, however there are many times we should have waited for God to give a clear answer. We assumed maybe the silence to be God asking us to choose what we wanted and assumed that we should trust God to make it all work out, but really we should not have done anything until God’s will was made clear. There are times, perhaps, we got our own will mixed up with God’s.

I feel so crushed  to think so much of my life might be out of line with what the Lord wanted. I’ve repented. I only want God’s will.

Just recently this past week, there was another major decision my husband was trying to rush into concerning a job training opportunity/paid internship which sounded really appealing on the surface-something we both wanted. I prayed and prayed for a clear answer and finally got one and a confirmation. The answer was, “No.” The opportunity was alluring because it could have meant an end to poverty within a  year and was in an area we both feel my husband can excel in. But I believe God is trying to prevent us from making a decision that would put us more in debt and cause us more harm in the long run and would not deliver on the promises that were so enticing. Now, it is back to square one, with perhaps him taking a low-paying job and us living in poverty for a while longer, but I am thankful that I have a God to help me make wise decisions.

I get frustrated that we can’t move into the freedom and realms we want to move in, and I get discouraged. I go through fluctuations between feeling beaten and discouraged to having renewed hope and conviction in God’s ability through me to fight off the demonic enemies that try to enslave and entangle us-enemies such as poverty, despair, and discouragement. Also disappointment facing the reality that my life hasn’t turned out the way I always hoped and perhaps never will. But subscribing to that attitude-that it never will-would be believing a lie. Didn’t God just tell me not to go by what I see? That my life now will have no bearing on what my future life will look like?

To be sure, my own ways and my own knowledge have landed me no where. The failings in my life I can only blame myself for, for not being in tune with what God wanted. He wants so much to bless us, but sometimes we plow ahead and do our own things. And sometimes, we look for our blessings in the wrong places. We think we know what we want and what is good for us, but God knows better and He’s really concerned about the long range plan and about our spiritual health.

I realized I have been missing the boat, spending so much time worrying about what I don’t have and what I want and feeling sorry for myself that I don’t have it, versus worrying about how my life can be a pleasing aroma and a pleasing offering to the Lord. How can I really show God I love him in these circumstances?

I’m making it my life’s  journey to offer every area of my life to him in obedience-half way in love, halfway in fear, but I want the love motivations to grow so large there is no more room for fear. There is no other way that works. I’ve been on both sides-darkness and light-and I’ve been in the middle, lukewarm area. I’ve lived a life full of hedonistic pleasure, but there is no pleasure and no joy like being one with God and knowing his love. There is no other satisfaction that compares. There is no other security that compares. And perhaps if I had not tasted the darkness so and seen the evil that can occur with my own eyes, and also tasted and seen glimpses of heaven here on the Earth through oneness with God, I would not be so compelled to strive and seek for more of God. But I have seen and experienced both and I do know and want the good things of this universe which are all found in Him-God. I choose Life and life more abundantly.

I realized He is the blessing. He is the gift. He is everything. He is everything I strive for.

So if I wait, I wait. I wait during this difficult season of humility and lack. I wait for my time of abundance. I must trust His love and good plans for my life. Would God really cheat me out if I obeyed him and loved Him in every kind of way?

I will learn how to be content in every and all situations, whether abased or abounding, whether in lack or in plenty.

God is good all the time. His ways and his timing are perfect. Sometimes I have missed the boat and I have suffered as a result. And as humiliating as this revelation is, it is also hopeful because now it means I can be more sensitive. I can get it right. It will be yet another area I give over completely to God-it’ll be one less place Satan can rob me off my peace. Little by little, I will climb the road to victory. I will win one battle at a time. My obedience is the key.

April 18, 2010.

My Children, rest assured that I am in control and have your best interests in mind. You are not fish out of water, floudering without direction or the things you need. Rather, in me you have direction and have everything you need. There are many tribulations in this world, but rest assured I have overcome the world.  You, too, will overcome if you remain in me. Let my words remain in you as I remain in you.  I and my Word are one, just as I and my Son are one. My words are true and will complete the work they were set out to do.  Rest in my Word. Stand on my Word. Do not let the Enemy and the problems of this world pull you down or discourage you. There is no need for fear. When I am with you, you should never be afraid or confused. I will show you the way out of your problems. I will show you how to have perfect peace. Don’t think that what you see today will be the same thing that you see tommorrow. For in me you are being made new every day. You are changing and evolving, and as you grow and mature in me, your life and circumstances will also change and reflect this growth. It is never too late to have your hearts’ desires fullfilled. Do not be so quick to write off your dreams. I made you the way you are and want your heart alive, fresh, and full of wonder and joy. I want you to be full of praise at all the good things that I do, for how good I am.  My plan is to bless you, not to punish you. My plan is to give you a hope and a future full of good things.  Continue to seek me out for my will in your life. Trust and obey, and all will go well with you. Keep doing the things I’ve told you to do, and don’t do anything else until I tell you otherwise. I will speak clearly to you about the things you need to know when the time comes. I’ve planted much wisdom in your hearts and some things you already know.  Wait on me. I tell you I am a good God and a just God. I will bring justice to your life. I will restore what was stolen. I will right the wrongs. The wicked will not go unpunished. Please do not get discouraged at the wrongs you see, but give them to me and allow me to correct all things within time. I have a way that is different than yours, a way you do not understand. I will bring justice and I will also bring mercy. My will is to bless as many as will let me bless them. My plans are greater than you can comprehend. Your obedience is the key that unlocks the blessings, that allows me the opportunity to perform my best will for you. I can only move within your will. I love you so much. I will help you succeed.  I will pick up the pieces and help you correct the mistakes that you made. It is never too late to start over. Never too late for me to restore and fix the things that went wrong. I am a God of the impossible. Never forget that. I can do all things.  I just want to show you how awesome and wonderful I am. Let me show you. I am your Father and my love for you is perfect-without fault. It is and will be everything you need. It is what restores your life. It will make you well and full of joy.  Be blessed my children, and know my love and goodness.

Your Father God.

~Preface: For special effect, you might want to click on the video and listen to the music while you read this. Scroll down. If my jukebox is playing, you can turn it off first-to the right of the page.~

God has been so good to me. He continues to lead me on a journey of trusting in Him beyond human understanding. He is teaching me about the kind of father He is, how good He is.

Even in the midst of the discomforts there is His comfort. Even in the long haul of waiting there is His presence. There is absolutely nothing that can separate us from the love of God (Romans 8:38-39).

He is teaching me about faithfulness. He is always faithful, good on His word. I can rest assured that if I trust Him and obey Him that one day I will get my reward, whether it be in this lifetime or the next one to come in heaven. This life is but a tiny moment in time compared to eternity. I want to please Him because I want to see his face one day. More importantly, because there is no other comfort or security that compares to what He gives. I want to live in His presence. I do not want my sin to separate me. He forgives me when I mess up, but I want to live in the realm of his glory which is only reached through pureness of heart.

There’s so many times that I misunderstand Him, it makes me want to cry. I looked at him like a harsh Father, a punisher, content to let me stew in my mistakes and my sufferings, but that is not Him at all.

I used to think my reward would be slow coming-only in heaven one day-and therefore I was not sure if I could wait, or if I could pay the price I thought it would take, but I realize, now, that He plans a good life for me here on this Earth, too. Somehow, I thought I was overlooked, left out. I realize now that wasn’t true. We must have spiritual eyes to understand. We must be patient and choose to trust God, no matter how it looks.

There are seasons in life, and some seasons are hard. God says “In this life you will have tribulation, but take heart for I have overcome the world” (John 16:33.) But just as there are winter seasons of loss and dying, there are also seasons where life begins to form and buds begin to open (Ecclesiastes 31:8). Where color begins to burst forth everywhere.

God also says “weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning” (Psalms 30:5.)

If we could only hold out and know that the hard times are only temporary. God has a plan of rescue or perhaps a way out. Some things he delivers us from and some things he guides us through as we walk to the other side. Always God does what’s best and only what we allow.

The revelation of his love is fleeting, it comes and goes depending on how I’ve structured my day, how much time I spent truly trying to be with Him.

But He keeps pursuing me, trying to help me understand that He never stops loving me, and He never stops being good. He wants me to know-and you too if you’re reading this-that He’s a good God-faithful to the end.

There’s some things in our life that we simply don’t understand- the pain of our life, the disappointments, the hurts, the mistakes. We try to understand and we come to some wrong conclusions about God’s intentions or his will for our life. We blame God for the things the Enemy does. We don’t listen to God when he tries to show us the way.

I decided that my way doesn’t lead anywhere. I’ve made terrible choices when I’ve acted independently of God’s will. I only want God’s way, now. It’s a new season. A time for me to be ever more obedient in every area of my life. So I can be with Him, be blessed by Him, and hear Him with clarity.

He shows me more and more that I can’t go by what I see. He is a limitless God and he is not bound by circumstances or natural law. He can bend natural law at His whim. He can heal our sickness (Pslams 103:3-4), raise people from the dead (John 11), call in resources where there are no resources, etc.

He can rain money and resources down from heaven and often does. When I look back I see that he has always provided, but now that I am closer to Him and more obedient I seem to live in a greater degree of security and knowledge about how He does. Practically all my clothes and all my furniture were provided by God as gifts. Steve’s second eye surgery-done today-was also provided by God. Someone gave us  a $300 check. Wow! Even little comforts like going out to eat (friend took me to Golden Coral Thursday)and nice meals (God gave us another $20 cash which we spent on Chinese) have been provided by God  this week. Sometimes God makes me feel so pampered. On those moments I wonder why I have to doubt God’s plans for me. Even in the mist of our sufferings, there is God’s comfort. Don’t forget that God provided the Israelites manna during the desert (Exodus 16:4) and their clothes did not wear out (Deuteronomy 8:4). God is the same today  (Hebrews 13:8) as he was then and he can take care of us too!

“I have carried you since you were born; I have taken care of you from your birth. Even when you are old, I will be the same. Even when your hair has turned gray, I will take care of you. I will sustain you and I will rescue you.” Isaiah 46:3-4

“Delight yourselves in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.”  (Psalms 37:4 NIV)

“For I know the plans I have for you”, declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.”  (Jeremiah 29:11)

“In your presence” by Jason Upton

It’s a rainy afternoon, and the rain is comforting. It is lazy. It seems to make time stand still.

My daughter has a raw, sore throat from acid reflux and wasn’t up for going to school today. She threw up about once or twice a day for about a week and a half straight, although that part seems better, now. I am concerned about her missing so much school. She is on medication to make things better.

My husband isn’t working and that has really added some strain to our family. He quit his low-paying but stable job to take a “commisison only” job in mid November and has made one sale since then earning about $219. They misled him into the job, leading him to believe he would have a regular base pay which never panned out. After several months with no success, he finally quit that job about a month ago and now is looking for a more reliable job. He went on a second interview today. I’m hoping he gets it and it turns out to be legit and not another job that misleads him and misuses him.

In the mean time, my income is really not sufficient because I only work four days a week and half my income goes to taxes and medical expenses. I supply the entire family with medical insurance and also make use of a flex spending account.  In  3 months we’ve spent $900 already on one ER visit, $500 for glasses for Steve and Nina, and the rest on doctor’s visits and some specialists. Steve is scheduled for eye surgery next month which will deplete the rest of the money in my flex account. I’m a little worried about how we will take care of ourselves the rest of the year. However, if Steve doesn’t get his eyes fixed, he won’t be able to work very well and I need him to work.

God challenged me in February, though, and told me that if I can submit my finances to him and tithe reguarly-something I’ve struggled to do consistently in the past-then within a year we would be financially stable and our poverty would be a thing of the past. So, I’ve made a point to pay my tithe before my rent and other bills. There’s no money left over for food, gas, or household expenses-so this has been a true stretch of faith. So far, our church has been regularly supporting us with Foodlion cards and Wawa gas gards, so we have survived. God also gave me wisdom with the finances so we would not go homeless. As tough as it was, I had to stop paying for all my husbands bills so that we could survive. Anything that was not necessary, like netflix and credit monitoring I completely eliminated. I’ve also been steadily trying to establish myself in the art world, but that is a slow process. I look at it as investing in the talents God gave us.

There was one pay period last month in which all my bills were caught up and so in rare moment of self-indulgence I decided to buy myself a graphic tablet. I had waited 11 years for Steve to make extra income or to get it as a gift, but  finally decided this was never going to happen so I bought it myself for about $200 figuring the next opportunity might be 10 years later. I also invested in getting my laptop fixed-what I thought was fixed. According to Steve Sony could fix it for $120. Turns out that was just to look at it, so there went 120 down the drain for nothing. It would be $1,000 to fix which we obviously don’t have and why would we ever pay that when we could just buy a new, nicer laptop for that amount? Well, the bank got suspicious because others had been taking money out of our account which I never authorized so they blocked Sony. I did take care of the other matters, but we’ve been playing phone tag with Sony and the bank, and in the mean time they still have my broken laptop. I actually cried when I finally found out that my computer wasn’t getting fixed.

Sounds stupid, but it ’s hard to get anything done when you have to wait for others not to be using their computer before you get a chance to use it. In my household that maybe amounted to about once a week for a few hours-not enough time to check email, add new artwork to my galleries, new blog writings, or to add another viewing gallery to my creativepassages.net website. Well, I did some things, just not as much as I wanted. I wondered if I was being punished for buying the graphic tablet?

If that wasn’t enough, just this past week my husband’s laptop broke and the old computer (without internet connection) that I used for my photoshop broke-we think it is the graphic card. So now we are down to one desktop in the household for the entire family which doesn’t work very well.

I read an article today on how to sell your art on-line at linked and they suggested you be part of 10 internet galleries, so I decided to join one more, Noenga, but it took 20 minutes just to upload one picture there with this slow, messed up computer and the picture didn’t even load right, so I decided to give up and write instead.

Hint. Hint. So what do you think God is trying to say to me? It’s like he stripped me of every fleshly comfort possible. I started singing that song “How He Loves Us” to myself by Kim Walker (Lyrics by  John Mark McMillan) “He is jealous for me. Loves like a hurricane. I am a tree, bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.”

This is usually where I get confused, what does God bring on versus what does the Enemy bring? I think I sometimes blame God for what the Enemy does, but I picture God up there like it is described in Job, saying “Look at my servant down there….You can do this or that as long as you don’t do this.” (Job chapters 1 and 2.)

My Pastor believes Job brought it on himself through fear and through the fear his hedge of protection came down, but I’m not so sure I am convinced because the book of Job starts out saying that Job was a ” blameless and upright man.” (Job 1:1) To me, this implies we get punished for fearing and if you have been a victim of abuse, you can’t help but fear a few things. I don’t think God holds it against us, but helps us overcome it. I honestly think that God simply allows us to be tested in order to overcome. I truly think that the testing allows us to grow in God and to grow in our faith. Well, we know that to be true because it says so in the word. He doesn’t bring the bad thing on, but he allows it and then works the bad thing for the good (Romans 8:28.)

…we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not disappoint us, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit which has been given to us. (Romans 5:3-5)

Personally, this is what God told me (this is only part of it.) I share this with you because I think it might apply to some of you and encourage you.

“Do not lose heart. I am with you. I am strengthening you. I will help you get thought these times. Just trust in me. Just focus on me. Look to me as your Source. When you are miserable look to me. I will be your comfort. I will teach you how to overcome and find comfort in me. Press in. Do not give up! Do not fold up, but press in! I am the Answer. I am the Deliverer! I am the Source! I am the Provider! Trust me! Let me be your Source! You will getmore used to trusting me. You will see that I am a  good God. This is the only way I can take you where you need to go. Your suffering is not in vain. I will bring much good out of it. Trust me. Not a moment of your grief will be wasted. I’ve bottled your misery and sorrow. I will release an even greater measure of joy in exchange for that grief. It will be 70 x7. Do you believe me? You are in for great joy, but you must not give up.”

He basically showed me that as I overcome, I will then lead others to do the same. His plan is to give us victory in the areas that challenge us and then to use us to minister to others who are then struggling with what we now have victory in.

He also said, “You have not made some fatal mistake. For I knew you from the beginning, and I knew how long it would take you to journey to your breakthrough and your complete trust and security in me. I made you the way you are and I am a patient God. You are worth the wait. You are growing and I am so proud of you. Don’t stop. Keep pushing upwards in me. You will have increased revelations and visitations as you pursue me.”

At another time recently God also told me this, “I only want to show you a  deeper level of trust and revelation, a deeper spiritual walk. I desire this for all of you. You must each die to your flesh and go through a purification process in order for this to happen.  If you’re willing, there will be increase at the end of this trial period and a greater anointing. I wouldn’t ask this of you if there were not alot at stake. The level of ministry and anointing I have for you requires a greater level of maturity, character, and selflessness. If you are willing to go through about a year of being stretched thin and denying your own needs and desires, you will come out the other side victorious and ready for service.”

The answer is that he loves us, and therefore he tests us. The Enemy would make us believe that the testing means just the opposite. That God wants to deprive us, doesn’t care about us, overlooks us, doesn’t hear our cries, etc. But God does hear us, does care. He wants more for us. He cares and wants us to really have the important things in life, things that last eternally, things that will give us an even deeper level of joy and security. Unfortunately, this trust and security he wants us to have doesn’t usually come instantly, it comes only after being tried, therefore rejoice in your trials and sufferings because it leads to more hope…some versions of that Romans 5:3-5 scripture say that we will lack no good thing.

Job 7: 17-19 NIV says, “What is man that you make so much of him, that you give him so much attention, that you examine him every morning and test him every moment? Will you ever look away from me, or let me alone for even an instant?”

Psalms, 10:14 NIV “But you oh God, do see trouble and grief; you consider it to take it in hand. The victim commits himself to you; you are the helper of the fatherless…17 “You hear, O Lord, the desire of the afflicted; you encourage them and listen to their cry, defending the fatherless and the oppressed…”

Job 5:17 NIV, Blessed is the man whom God corrects; so do not despise the discipline of the Almighty. For he wounds, but he also binds up; he injures, but his hands also heal. From six calamities he will rescue you; in seven no harm will befall you. In famine he will ransom you from death; and in battle from the stroke of the sword. You will be protected from the lash of the tongue and need not fear when destruction comes. You will laugh at destruction and famine, and need not fear the beasts of the Earth. For you will have a covenant with the stones of the field, and the wild animals will be at peace with you. You will know that your tent is secure. You will take stock of your property and find nothing missing. You will know that your children will be many, and your descendents like the grass of the Earth. You will come to the grave in full vigor like sheaves gathered in season. We have examined this and this is true. So hear it and apply it to yourself.”

Some parts of Job were simply the opinions of him and his friends, some of which were not correct, but I believe that particular phrase is correct, because of the special emphasis that was made at the end as well as the fact that Job indeed did end his life full of vigor, joy, and abundance, despite the 9 months that he suffered in almost every kind of way imaginable.

Through my own experience of suffering God has shown me that his love is consistent, that his love never fails. And where my well being is connected to the choices-good or bad-of others around me like my husband or even my president, God has shown me that although there might be repercussions for me as a result of other’s negative choices, he will still be there to protect me and take care of me, and give me wisdom to get through it safely. God wants us to get to a level of security where we trust him no matter what is going on around us. Once you get to that place, nobody can take it away from you. It is a beautiful, blessed place. That type of security in God is worth more than anything and worth the small price we might pay along the way to get there.

I’m willing to pay the price. I want God more than anything else, and I’ll wait for however long it takes for him to shine his great light on me and announce “The dawn has come! The waiting is over. Your fullness has arrived.”

Pansies, photo edited on photoshop, 03.22.10

It has been a stressful time for me in numerous ways. I am really pursuing how to be content in the moment, even when the things I need or want are not there. I have the one thing that sustains me and that’s my Lord. I anchor myself to Him, and I will not be shaken. The problems surrounding me are really things I have no control over. I seem to be doing fairly good on my end. I am pursuing righteousness and obedience, wondering if I can get my life more pure, more in line with what God wants, if some of these problems might fall off of me. Either way, I decided that I want more of God. I sometimes feel that not being as intimate with God as I would like causes me pain and discomfort or perhaps the pain in my life drives me deeper towards Him.

Yet there’s so many good things, so many ways God shows me that he loves me and is taking care of me, even if there is a long wait to get to where I want to go and to get out of this desert.

When the flowers start to bloom outside, I can’t help but feel brighter. God created such a beautiful world. He created me to enjoy the beauty. There’s something so inspiring, hopeful, and cheerful about new blooms. The winter fades away and suddenly color and life bursts forth saying, “The new beginning has arrived. It comes with beauty and grace. It comes with simplicity. It comes with everything you need.” I think of how well God clothed the flowers, how much he cares about all the finest details when he created each unique flower and plant for our pleasure, and how much he really does love me and care about the details of my life. How God will take care of every detail for me too, if I just let him. For those who don’t know this kind of love and security from a father, you don’t know what you’re missing. God is the best father around.

My adventure this weekend was getting out my camera and driving around in pursuit of fresh flowers and blooms. Then coming back home and making art out of it.

I have several versions of the pansies photo.

 

Comfort, acrylic painting on canvas, 15x11

This is one of my newest pieces. It holds alot of meaning for me because it represents God’s comfort. I tried to make the colors soft and soothing. It seems like angels wings. When I think of heaven or heaven colliding with the Earth I always envision multiple colors like that of a rainbow. This represents God and heaven colliding with my reality here on the Earth to give me a supernatural sense of comfort and peace, depite my circumtances.

“He shall comfort the comfortless.” 

This is what I kept hearing in the Spirit as I created this piece, reflecting on my own discomfort and hurt that only God could comfort. I am going through a season in my life which is difficult, long and drawn out…feels like it will never end, but I know it will. God gave me specific instructions saying that if I can do this special thing then my period of affliction will be over within a year. In the meantime, there is a lack of fleshy comfort, a real deep lack. In times like this it is necesary for me to press into God for his comfort. It is available. It is enough.

God gave me comfort today by bringing this verse to mind.

1:3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! By his great mercy he gave us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, 4 that is, into an inheritance imperishable, undefiled, and unfading. It is reserved in heaven for you, 5 who by God’s power are protected through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. 6 This brings you great joy, although you may have to suffer for a short time in various trials. 7 Such trials show the proven character of your faith, which is much more valuable than gold – gold that is tested by fire, even though it is passing away – and will bring praise and glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. 8 You have not seen him, but you love him. You do not see him now but you believe in him, and so you rejoice with an indescribable and glorious joy, 9 because you are attaining the goal of your faith – the salvation of your souls. 10 Concerning this salvation, the prophets who predicted the grace that would come to you searched and investigated carefully. 11 They probed into what person or time the Spirit of Christ within them was indicating when he testified beforehand about the sufferings appointed for Christ and his subsequent glory. 12 They were shown that they were serving not themselves but you, in regard to the things now announced to you through those who proclaimed the gospel to you by the Holy Spirit sent from heaven – things angels long to catch a glimpse of. (1st Peter 1:3-5)

It’s kind of interesting because the verse was from myself in the past when I was 19 years old, just after my Dad died in October 1988. After the funeral and on my way back to Basic Training in the Army, I was making a tape recording for my family to tell them how much I loved them and to encourage them and this was one of the verses that I read. My grandparents kept the tape for  along while and my grandfather added to it. My Grandfather passed in 2000 and my grandmother just recently this past year. So my brother ended up acquiring the tape and apparently got around to listening to it today. He called me up to share it with me. Interesting. We actually talked twice on the phone as he played the tape for me, but he didn’t discover this part ’till a little later.  He called back for a third time just to share it with me. Apparently, God promted him to do so.

It is so appropriate for what I am going through. As I review the verse, now, its as if it has fresh, new colors I had noticed before.

New Birth, Living Hope, Great Joy, only suffer for a little while, proving my faith and character, more valuable than gold…

It reminds me of something I read in Job today about wisdom, wisdom also being more valuable than gold and rubies…My trials produce wisdom.

Imperishable inheritance …

This is what I remind myself of. I have an inheritance in Heaven which can’t be taken from me. It can never be stolen. I believe not only do I have an inheritance in heaven, but I have one here on the Earth as well. It’s just waiting for me to grasp, to comprehend. His death on the cross and his resurrection accomplished so much for me…if only I could comprehend its full depth…our ability to do so determines our freedom and our ability to walk in victory.

This piece is meant to comfort and encourage the viewer. There’s a realm in the Spirit world with God that you can go to beyond your circumstances, a place where peace resides regardless of what is happening in your life. In life there are seasons and some seasons can be quite uncomfortable, but God promises that there will also be seasons of gladness and rejoicing. During the difficult season, hold on to this promise. Hold on to the fact that God loves you and has a divine destiny for you. Hold on to the fact that his comfort and his love is enough to sustain you. Hold on to the fact that in the end it will all be worth it and all the difficult times will be like dung compared to his surpasing greatness. Hold on and stand on his word! Let the Great Comforter comfort you now. His love is enough. His love is better than anything in this world. His love and comfort will carry you through.

“I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.” John 14:18

“Yea doubtless, and I count all things but loss for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord: for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and do count them but dung, that I may win Christ.” Phillippians 3:8

I made this piece, too, right afterwards…at the time not fully comprehending why, just stirred by the Spirit. But now I see why, especially after reading 1st Peter 1:3-5, which didn’t come ’till after the picture was made. God wants us to undertand that although we may go through seasons of suffering we don’t have to be victims to our circumtances. He did it all for us on the cross. We can be sure that if we trust Him and stand on His word, he’ll carry us through to the finish line and we’ll have his promises. We will achieve the destiny he prepared for us. Just hold on and stand strong!

Victory, acrylic on canvas, 12x9

His Love Never Fails, acrylic on canvas, 6x20x.125

This painting is currently available at the Riverview Gallery in Portsmouth, VA until the end of February. The original is $120 (which includes the frame) or $100 without the frame. For the next month you will have to go there to purchase it; however, if it is still available afterwards then you can contact me directly. This piece was featured in the Abstract Art show, “But, What is it?” at the Riverview Gallery February 5, 2010. I made this piece just for the show, and it marks my first official showing ever. The weather was bad, and there weren’t many people there, but I met other artists and learned some things to help me advance in the art world. I feel like God has opened the door for my art and I have walked through it.

 This picture is titled, “His love never fails” because this is what God wants all of us to know, and He showed me personally in my life just recently. As I created the painting I was singing to the Lord and meditating on just how much he loves us, even when we can’t see it or experience it. I had just overcome a hard trial where God was testing my trust of him. I was being stretched in my faith. During this trial, life was not the way I expected or thought it should be. I felt like I was suffering, and I was fearing things would only get worse. I had a very specific fear and the more I focused on it the more uptight and anxious I became to the point that I could barely function. It was all I could do to just keep my anxiety in check and accomplish my normal day to day tasks, but I was too emotionally drained to do anything creative. This frustrated me, because I wanted to be creative, but my fear was immobilizing me. I was angry at God because I didn’t feel I deserved this trial or circumstance nor did I feel it was just. When I went for prayer the person who prayed for me told me the thing I feared was a very real possibility and I was mad at God for that, since I wanted him to tell me things would be O.K and encourage me. During this time, I began to feel abandoned and unloved, after all I thought if God loved me then why wouldn’t He answer my prayer and fix the situation I was in? Why would he even let me go through it? I probably went through a high level of fear for about two weeks and it was very draining. Finally, I just decided to just accept what it was I was afraid of. I told God I would choose to trust Him regardless even if I didn’t understand , and I stood on bible verses which reminded me of his love. I decided that I wanted God’s will more than my own, and I wanted his presence more than life going the way I wanted. I thought of the apostle Paul who had endured beating and imprisonment for God and yet kept his faith, and even more than that He remained joyful. Although, honestly, thinking of his life was not all that encouraging to me because I wanted to have a better life than what he had. However I did note his joy and peace, which was certainly greater than my own. Why? Because he really knew God’s love, and he also knew that this life is only temporary and his greatest reward for be in heaven someday. I thought, if he could do it, I can do it because we have the same God. It is God who gives us strength and peace, which is beyond what the world can understand. I began to plan about how I would respond if the thing I feared were to happen, and you know the interesting the that happened? The fear went away. After that, it seemed God being moving suddenly (after a long period of standstill) and my circumstances then gradually shifted. God began pouring in his blessing. And I realized, God had allowed me to go through the situation so he could address the fear and remove it. It was kind of like when Abraham was asked to sacrifice Isaac. Was he willing to do it? God didn’t actually let him go through with it, but it was a pivotal point in his walk with God. It meant that he trusted God and God was more important to him than anything, and Abraham needed to have that kind of faith. So God in essence was asking me, what do I love the most? What do I trust in? Up until that test, although I claimed I trusted in God I was really relying on a set of circumstances and conditions for my security. When that was threatened I reacted in fear. Now, how many of us have certain conditions in life that we depend on to be secure and happy? Probably most of us, I think its only natural, and until God challenges us with that, we might not grow in that area. None of those things are guaranteed to us, as hard as that is to accept. Fearing the loss of those things can sometimes imprison and hinder us.

“For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.” (Romans 8:15).

It’s only after you let your expectations of those things go and choose to trust in God regardless of what you have or don’t have, that you begin to experience the true peace and joy of God which is not dependent on circumstances. God love is rich, wonderful, and abundant all the time, but sometimes we don’t understand it, and we misjudge God as harsh or uncaring when its not that way at all. If we could only know how much he truly does love us. Sometimes it takes God stretching us or allowing us to be in an uncomfortable place before we can really gain a fuller understanding of it. So allow God to stretch you and don’t doubt his love for a minute.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11)

“No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him, but God has revealed it to us by his Spirit.” (1 Corinthians 2:9-10)

“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:38-39)

“What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ” (Philippians 3:8)

Creative Miracles, oil pastel, original

This represents the essence of God as Creator. There is white light emanating from the center and color reflected in the center almost like a prism. The colorful rays then extend outwards representing God’s amazing creative power to do anything-create, save, heal, deliver, set free, love, anything…it’ limitless. The orbs also represent his glory, his radiant presence. There are mysteries hidden within His white light, if only I could dig deeper to discover them. Think about how white light is a combination of all the colors in the universe; in essence it contains the existance of everything-that is God symbolized by the white light. That is why he is above the laws of this earth or even the universe because he created it all and can bend the laws at will. He can do anything He wants, and that is good news, because he can change your circumstances in an instant or even change you. He can change people’s hearts and attitudes, and he can certainly move in your life to do whatever you need, if you would only ask and believe.

I wrote this psalm, reflecting on his wonder…
Your glory fills the sky
Who can fathom your wonderful essence?
Who can comprehend your unending goodness?
You are everything.
Wonder, Delight. Love.
The entire universe exists in your being.
Without you, there is no form.
You hold it all together, lovingly, carefully.
Every detail thought of.
You know the beginning from the end.
You know me and love me.
Your plans are so good, so rich…
They far exceed our expectations.
Your mercy and generosity is amazing!
I want to live with you forever,
wrapped up in your amazing arms,
your colorful glory,
your gentleness, your awe.
I live for you, Lord.
eternally greatful.

Testimony: As I was finishing up the orbs on this and reflecting on the goodness and power of God it seemed like I was under attack. Finances depleted, the car broke down, no money to fix it, and without the car it was impossible for my husband to do his job. Circumstances shouted, “Doomed! It’s over! It’s all collapsing!”

I was confused, “God, why? I thought you would take care of us. We gave alot for you.”
I heard, “Do you trust me?”

I looked at my circumstances again thinking, “I don’t know.” I looked at my picture again reflecting on God’s ability to do creative miracles, to create from nothing. He created the whole world, my car, me! Is he surely now going to forget me?

God said again, “Do you trust me? When are you going to stop looking at your circumtances and what you don’t have and start looking at what you do have, Me!”

Needless to say, I prayed and begged God and tried to believe. I got a ride home, and wouldn’t you know it the same night God also provided money to fix the vehicle. It was fixed the next day and there was quite a bit of money left over. We had nothing, and in an instant God changed it! He is so good!

It feels like major catastophe to us, but its nothing for God, a simple breath could fix everything or give us a new vehicle if he wanted. Why do we get so stressed out?